Wait, what???

It seems we're ... uh... pregnant? How'd that happen? Yeah, yeah, I know the "birds and the bees" but, really, how? did? that? happen?! After over 7 years of infertility challenges, including having IVF in order to be pregnant with Ainsley, and having a specialist tell us 'you won't get pregnant without extreme medical measures,' here we are: pregnant. We are amazed, in wonder, AND ABSOLUTELY THRILLED.

At the same time we're being cautious. Even with the extreme medical measures in the past we have had miscarriages and then the pregnancy with Ainsley had an extremely rocky first three months. All the chemicals and hormone levels were against us but our little miracle happened. We're so grateful to have her in our lives and we didn't know if we'd have another. We wanted one but were satisfied either way.

We're still very early through the gate here at 7 weeks but so far we're getting positive results to each of the many blood tests I've had - totally different then with Ainsley's pregnancy which seemed that every time we had a blood test we had bad news (even: congrats you're pregnant but it probably won't happen, sorry!). We keep waiting for the other shoe to drop - it's inevitable right? Then again, we're having strange reactions - Ryan even said "I have a good feeling about this." This coming from Mr. Pessimist.

One thing that is the same as my pregnancy with Ainsley is the sickness. The sickness from the day we conceived almost. With Ainsley it went through the first 5-months - praying that it won't go that long this time but here I am. Sicker than a dog and exhausted. I look like and feel like crap. This exhaustion is more-so this time. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I'm running after a toddler all day but I still think I have it easier than the last time when I was working a full-time job and traveling all over 3-days/week. This sickness and tiredness is comforting in one way but at the same time I can't help but hope that I'm not doing all this for nothing. Trying to keep the faith and so grateful at the same time.

So the hardest thing about this is we're excited about this little news and I feel and look like crap but we're not telling anyone until our 20-week ultrasound (just like when we were pregnant with Ainsley). I've had several people in the last week ask me if I'm okay that I look exhausted. I've also had someone point-blank ask me if I'm pregnant but had to side-step the question.

I need an outlet - a sounding board so guess, what? I'm blogging about it (privately until the news is released). Then all our friends, once it's public, can catch up. Hope you'll all forgive us for keeping it quiet. We're thrilled though and love having this special secret between us.